Category: 2014

Madhouse Radio 9 Year Anniversary Show – 7/16/14

SourCreamBig Tuck returns to join Carlito and Milkman for the nine year anniversary of Madhouse Radio’s first episode.  Carlito is trying to book a family dinner at Buca DiBeppo but advises tables will be flipped.  Taking a baseball bat to a rented video projector.  A Columbian man doesn’t want dirty Peruvians making his food.  We’re making our own sour cream.

We Don’t Have Ching-Chong – 7/11/14

chingchangchongCarlito wants to commit carnal knowledge with a tortilla at a Mexican restaurant.  Juicing on the phone while talking to the gym.  The Enterprise-E needs plasma to travel forward in time with some whales.  Silly restaurant orders lead to 911 being called.  Costco Vision Center can’t deny entry without a membership.

Cadillac Devil – 7/9/2014

devilleVietnamese Pho is great for bowel movements and hangovers.  Carlito is being discriminated against while trying to open a bank account. Buying a satanic Cadillac Devil car machine.  ABC Channel 7 is way too loud so Carlito calls the station to have them turn it down.  Looking to take a baseball bat to a car during a test drive.

Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t? – 7/6/2014

lionCarlito is employing concierges to find out information on lion genital sizes and animatronic gorillas.  A Lowe’s manager is upset when Carlito reports he has broken something in the store men’s restroom (or is it the women’s… or the shower display).  Attempting to set up a good time at a movie theatre. A chicken has cornered Carlito in his hotel bathroom once again.

Happy America Day! – 7/4/2014

indoors-fireworkWe’re All Excited About the 4th of July!  Guests staying in hotels are accused of lighting fireworks in their rooms.  Clerks repeatedly get upset after being called honey baby.  The Turkish Horse has left threatening voicemails for Carlos.  More Denny’s orders for eggs cooked with heat.

Happy Canada Day! – 7/1/14

canadadayIt’s Canada Day and Carlito is going around the country celebrating with firecrackers, rude requests and a search for Darkstranger. The Medieval Times dinner theatre show is accused of rigging contest outcomes and having sexually intimidating knights in armor performing. Carlito wants to be bathed in the precious blood and earn the destructive powers of Jesus. It’s probably not cool to ask the guy at Best Buy which camera is best for pirating new release movies.

Show Notes:

0:00:43 Carlito gets hung up on
0:01:28 Carlito calls back upset that he got hung up on
0:06:16 Hung up on for being too excited
0:06:43 Carlito confronts the West Indian lady who hung up on him for not being serious enough
0:10:29 Charges for extra condiments at Canadian McDonalds Machine
0:12:44 Ordering one coffee brewed with heat
0:14:51 You open today motherfucker?
0:16:42 Carlito wants to light some fireworks in the gas station parking lot
0:20:19 Calling Wayne Gretsky’s restaurant to inform he just died in a plan crash
0:23:24 Nonsense order leads to a manager hangup
0:26:53 ..calling another location to complain
0:32:39 Bringing a baseball bat to the auqarium (2 calls)
0:38:20 Ordering a cold meat sandwich from Subway
0:42:27 Carlito is lighting fireworks in the hotel elevator
0:43:26 Kimchee order, asking about the toilet
0:46:09 Complaining about the yellow knight on the Medieval Times show
0:49:40 Gambling on the Medieval Times show
0:53:00 Are you colored?
0:53:41 The precious blood
0:54:50 2nd call to the precious blood society
0:55:17 Another precious blood call
0:56:27 Al Abia is upset about the shitty office furniture
0:59:41 Ordering one boiled spaghettis
1:01:40 Classic Reclude Prank – Mr. White Devil
1:08:35 Cancelling the spaghetti order
1:08:35 Nonsesne Panera Bread order
1:10:45 ..calling back to continue order
1:15:12 Hung up on Jesus pooping and farting
1:33:46 Bakery order
1:48:38 Search for Darkstranger 1 (Taco Bell)
1:51:21 Search for Darkstranger 2 (Walmart)
1:53:22 Search for Darkstranger 3 (Holiday Inn Express)
1:56:28 Search for Darkstranger 4 (International Airport)
1:56:35 Quebbecois hang up
1:57:10 Dennys arugment (2 calls)
1:59:31 Another Dennys (3 calls)
2:05:11 Ordering Foo Potatoes from yet another Dennys
2:12:10 More nonsense orders
2:16:12 Boil the water and put the shit in (Shout out to Enigma420)
2:16:46 Ordering one coffee made with heat and water
2:19:28 Calling for the boiled spaghetti again
2:20:31 Ordering fire sauce direct from Taco Bell
2:26:41 Ordering juice
2:30:00 An insane Starbucks order
2:31:24 Ordering food from the liquor store
2:32:46 Ordering one meat from the meat department
2:37:17 Ordering one tea time
2:39:40 I am from Canada
2:42:00 Best Buy (Whats the best camera to pirate movies with?)
2:47:31 One Bahnchod

I Fuck Two Costa Ricans Today – 6/29/14

GreeceGreece loses in the 2014 World Cup and Carlito harrases several Greek restaurants during and right after the loss. Carlito debuts Lowe’s Roulette – a game in which listeners in the chat room choose which department gets pranked. Looking to run experiments on tropical fish in a pet store and calling on Craigslist ads for dog machines.

Show Notes:

0:00:32 Looking to buy a motorcycle
0:04:57 Looking for a dog machine
0:05:50 Looking for a lost dog machine
0:07:28 Looking to sabotage fish tanks at a pet store
0:13:36 Looking to get a dog groomed
0:14:46 Calling a different groomer
0:15:58 Lumber dept quick hangup
0:16:36 The operator
0:18:13 Big fat Frank in the electrical department
0:19:26 Lumber once again, asking about 2X4s
0:24:16 Hardware and tools department
0:31:10 Install department
0:33:56 Calling Big Stephanie back
0:34:29 Talking to Big Fat Leonard
0:36:52 Talking it out with the tools department
0:41:27 Appliance department, looking for a washing machine that will make my wife get off
0:44:27 Delivery department
0:48:31 Appliance department again
0:50:55 Another lumber quick hangup
0:52:02 Calling lumber back, buying some plywood
0:57:19 Another electrical call
1:03:26 Paint department
1:17:43 Greel Taverna Opa
1:09:27 Greek Taverna Opa 2
1:10:06 Greek Olympia not watching the game
1:10:06 Greek Flame Restaurant (first call before loss)
1:14:17 Greek Corner doesn’t have the game either
1:15:48 Silly greek call
1:17:38 Unable to get Greeks to cycle their power breakers
1:29:18 Eating man thinks the monkeys are going to get beat
1:32:01 Is the Greek boss fornicating?
1:34:59 Lowes Roulette 2 – Calling the Millwork department for cider
1:38:35 Greek Taverna Opa 3
1:42:29 Greek Flame 2 (Super Angry Greek Man) upset over loss
1:46:26 Another Greek loser
1:47:33 Yet another Greek loser
1:49:22 Final call to Greek Taverna Opa

Stupid Ignorant – 6/27/14

ignorantA short collection of prank calls performed live on Friday June 27th of 2014 before Art of Phonelarking

Show Notes:

0:00:04 Why does it take so long to get a hold of Target?
0:00:36 ..calling back to complain some more
0:02:57 Ordering one smoothies – cold
0:06:03 Ordering pills and a machine from the inferior female/Indian pharmacists
0:09:34 Couldn’t use the drive-thru
0:10:53 Calling Ihop
0:12:34 Ordering magazine for the toilet
0:13:22 Looking for a fabric called Huuhhhhhhhhhh

R.I.P. B.I.G. – 6/24/14

notoriousCarlito calls several more businesses wanting to bring a baseball bat with him. Puff Daddy shoots his gun in the air while Rick Ross destroys our rental car. Carlito tries to take a life insurnce policy out on a car mechanic just in case his car explodes while the gas tank is dropped. An angry black hotel clerk goes off on Carlito.

Show Notes:

0:00:36 Speaking latin to the latin school goes nowhere
0:01:28 Wanting to bring a baseball bat into a showroom
0:03:49 Calling the dog food company with concerns
0:11:55 Making weird noises with the camera store people
0:14:26 Hey boy how you doing?
0:14:46 Talking shit to the legal secretary
0:17:39 Checking how strong the sneeze-guard glass at the Subway is
0:18:55 How you doing Big Fat Katie?
0:20:10 Is the doctor fornicating today?
0:20:36 Talking to the office receptionist after having a threesome with two of the lawyers
0:25:16 Hung up after complaining about the long silence
0:26:30 ..calling back their other line
0:30:46
0:32:06 Stupid dogs and shit
0:34:21 ..connecting a bahnchod on the line on behalf of the guy at Stupid Dogs
0:35:36 Ordering some heat
0:37:12 What’s your name brah?
0:38:00 Iced coffee warnings at McDonalds
0:39:49 Trying to board an American Agressive Pitbull
0:44:54 Red Robin complaint
0:49:23 Historical society
0:51:41 Meep meep
0:52:01 Big Amber hangs up quick
0:52:16 trying Amber again, bringing a baseball bat to look at furniture
0:59:23 Leon calling Men’s Wearhouse looking for Labia design tuxedos
0:59:23 ..Calling the Longhorn Steakhouse next door
1:03:53 Asking for pheromone spray to be added to Chipotle food
1:05:15 Ordering one wood
1:09:46 The Sears Automotive Insurance Saga Part 1
1:13:02 ..connecting the insurance agency to take out a policy to drop the tank
1:17:26 ..calling automotive back to set up the insurance policy
1:20:35 Question about catering and a flaming illuminati display
1:25:48 Animal hopsital
1:27:27 Printing a newspaper slandering a waitress
1:28:42 Sears Automotive Insurance Saga Part 2
1:32:57 ..connecting the Automotive guy again
1:34:18 Got punched in the face and broke all teeth
1:41:39 The pastor said he was going to destroy us
1:43:43 Do you cover train machines? Orthodontist comes back from long hold
1:45:02 Calling back the travel agent who hung up
1:46:09 No baseball bats at the Subway
1:47:16 Ordering one everything
1:51:22 Looking for my grandfather (2 calls)
1:53:02 Grocery store drama
1:56:46 Another McDonalds iced coffee warning call
1:58:34 Whats the best battery to break a car window with
1:59:20 Shipping 42 lbs of batteries and having the delivery man through it through the window
2:02:24 No hot dogs on the warmer
2:03:12 Causing a soccer riot
2:06:55 Calling Beef Bowl back about toilet problems
2:11:40 Checking back in on the grocery drama
2:13:05 Trying to get some coffee hand delivered to the hotel
2:14:43 The Illuminati calling to extend an invitation
2:15:49 Orson Welles Jr lost his wedding ring in the car wash vacuum cleaner
2:18:28 Getting details on the partitions in the bathrooms
2:23:19 Another bathroom floor plan call
2:25:31 How fast is the curry?
2:26:00 Needing pilated to strengthen the bowel core
2:28:26 Indian market
2:30:40 Making an order while eating
2:32:40 Starting more grocery store drama
2:34:19 Bringing a baseball bat to look at cameras at Best Buy
2:34:19 Trying to order one gasoline
2:37:05 Wanting to see aquatic animal sexual organs
2:39:33 A very angry black woman appears while calling a hotel about sexual organs and colored people (3 calls)
2:48:58 Fuckers!
2:54:16 Rick Ross took a baseball bat to Carlito’s rental car
2:58:45 Effeminate coffee man
2:59:46 Adobo
3:00:38 Making wax
3:01:45 The price of one beers
3:03:10 White people cracker clothing
3:05:08 Just getting my hair washed
3:06:14 Getting invitations that don’t look like crap
3:07:36 Took a baseball bat to the backroom of the shoe store
3:09:33 Anthony in the toilet
3:10:33 Call goes nowhere
3:10:53 Looking for the smallest cell phone possible to sneak into a prison with a condom
3:12:48 No Davidoffs
3:16:43 Getting cranberry and feces out of a white suit
3:18:10 Is this a black people barber shop?
3:20:21 Translating random noises
3:21:09 What juice is good for bowel movements?
3:23:15 Is this white people clothing?
3:24:37 Ordering concha
3:25:41 Ordering one pizza machine with five spaces
3:27:03 Another cigar machine call
3:29:06 How many spaces of salt air
3:31:37 Looking for Carl Sanders in the library (2) calls)
3:32:58 Checking on the paper machine
3:34:19 One final creepy call

Music in this show: A tribute to the Notorious B.I.G. including the albums Ready to Die and Life after Death.

Happy Carlos Day – 6/20/14

hbdcarlosIt’s Carlito’s birthday and he’s celebrating with them crazy prank calls! Carlito loses his wedding ring while masturbating with a car wash vacuum cleaner. Ronnie in the lobby department is starting trouble among all the supermarket employees with his fake gossip, A tuxedo shop refuses to make alterations which will allow Carlito to strip in front of his mother.

Show Notes:

0:00:54 Calling about a yard sale while cursing
0:03:12 Calling about cards for sale
0:10:27 Honey baby – click
0:11:10 Calling about the cat hotel
0:15:32 Lost a wedding ring in the car wash vacuum cleaner
0:19:37 Ronnie creating mass confusion among the employees at the Albertson’s supermarket
0:36:12 Calling to schedule a hair washing fantasy
0:38:26 ..not interested in a haircut from a gay guy
0:39:12 ..talking to Crystal again
0:40:39 Calling about renting a limo and paying the smoking fine up front
0:42:51 Calling back about the lost wedding ring
0:43:26 Nothing fazes this Greek guy
0:46:07 Hey, did you hear?
0:46:33 Lost dog makes Carlito sad in the end
0:48:15 Looking to buy some pit bulls
0:49:46 Calling for special tuxedo alterations
0:52:38 ..calling back to drive the point home
0:54:10 Porcelain dolls

Aculo – 6/19/2014

gymnastics-creepCalls from June 19th, 2012 including trying to come in to watch gymnastics in a private room while wearing sweatpants. Carlito is also saying aculo for no reason, insulting the liquor store, fixing his toilet and getting a good feeling about some of his calls.

Show Notes:

0:00:34 I have a feeling about this call
0:01:07 Another good feeling
0:02:37 How’s the action with the tacos?
0:03:12 Watching adult gymnastics in private wearing sweatpants
0:10:02 Aculo Aculo!
0:11:24 How many coupon machines you have?
0:12:05 Looking for liquor
0:13:14 I fixed the toilet!

The Fall of Saigon – 4/30/14

Hugh Van Es dies at 67We’re calling some of our favorite targets from the past few years. Carlito is trying to jump over Snake River Canyon in an RV fitted with awnings on either side. Jazper Millenium-Cruz is having trouble peeing, we get on the wrong side of the STD clinic while trying to get him in to get checked out. The guy at the tropical fish store gets very upset at the way Carlito is asking about eating goldfish. Bothering halal Subways in the UK.

Show Notes:

0:05:10 Asking the Turkish Horse if he did a lot of fucking today
0:07:32 Valente is installing Sunsetter awnings on his RV again, this time he’s jumping over the Snake River Canyon
0:09:38 ..calling back trying to get help from an engineer
0:17:10 Raising money for Robbie Knievel to jump the Snake River Canyon
0:20:02 Checking in on the Bulls Head Pub
0:21:18 ..quick hang up
0:24:45 Hey sexy…-click-
0:25:38 David Snozwell calls back
0:30:20 Garcia is calling the health center clinic for services
0:33:41 ..Baz calls back to see a doctor
0:36:13 ..”nurse” (or is it cop) picks up to assist
0:43:35 Calling the IHOP around the corner, having them check to see if there is anyone fucking in a car in the parking lot
0:47:41 Calling for specific wheel machines at the Rent-A-Wheel
0:49:11 ..connecting soul food while waiting on Rent-A-Wheel
0:53:50 Are you a woman?
0:54:42 Baz calling Sizzler for orange juice
0:57:56 Pissing off the tropical fish guy
0:59:34 ..calling back to apologize and be friends
1:01:44 Playing the kinky donut game
1:02:18 ..explaining the kinky donut game again
1:04:08 Calling for adobo
1:08:47 Barber college calls
1:11:28 Looking for penis suction pump
1:13:39 Another collard greens call to a soul food restaurant turns very gay
1:20:58 ..connecting a notary to sign his death warrant
1:20:58 Garcia calling Kmart from the parking lot to check the glory hole action before coming inside
1:27:26 Ordering one gasoline
1:29:14 Calling with questions about metal
1:45:33 Ordering from the halal Subway
1:46:37 Ordering from a different halal Subway
1:47:44 “It is dirty, chuck off”
1:49:32 ..Carlito upset Baz was treated bad
1:51:20 Subway acting like he can’t hear us
1:52:40 Sandwich Mother Fucker!
1:53:45 Order only in the shop
1:54:55 I used to fuck an Egyptian girl
1:57:16 Eat the sandwich in front of me to make sure its not poisoned
2:00:14 Carlito would’ve stripped naked if he was on Flight 93
2:02:46 Baz is bringing a poopy pig into Subway
2:05:59 In the middle of sex with a Subway sandwich
2:16:45 Not the hole we’re looking for
2:17:16 I wanna go up in dat hole

Music featured on this episode:

Pink Floyd – Welcome To The Machine
Jimmiy Vaughan – Tilt-a-Whirl
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Peach Extract
MF Doom Madvillian [Four Tet Remixes] – Accordion (Instrumental)
The Beastie Boys – 14th St. Break
Dan The Automator – Seneca
Dan The Automator – Firesuite
Dan The Automator – Stroker Ace
PornoSonic – Spiderpussy (Slight Return)
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Coltsfoot Leaf
Skrillex – Imma Try It Out Ft. Alvin Risk (Original Mix)
Curtis Mayfield – Move On Up
Notorious B.I.G. – 07 – I Love the Dough
Kalyanji & Anandji – My Guru
Wu-Tang Clan – It’s Yours (Instrumental)
Deltron 3030 – Mastermind
Bronze Nazareth – Listen
Gorillaz – Dirty Harry
RJD2 – All For U
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Vinca Rosea
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Styrax Gum

I Have a Chode – 4/23/14

sauchodeA talking cat wants help catching a rat. Patton Fox finds a lost green card, the owner is offering an hour with his son as a reward. Carlito wants to alter his prescription in order to get a pair of sunglasses that will fuck him up when he wears them.

Show Notes:

0:04:00 A cat is calling to have a rat caught in his house, but not disposed of
0:06:59 Patton Fox found a lost green card, sends a Mexican boy to Food City to trade sex for it
0:21:45 Horny Zack the telphone hacker
0:24:23 Calling Food City for the Mexican boy
0:41:56 Hung up on after complaining about too many rings
0:42:42 …calling back, looking for a lost phone bridge
0:45:08 ..found a nice lipstick color?
0:45:58 Did that Mexican boy show up?
0:50:19 I have a chode
0:51:02 ..Baz calls back, explains women usually mess things up.
0:55:15 ..Carlito calls back to order one man-made pasta
0:58:29 Dr. Cross interrupts a doctor with his nonsense
1:08:27 No I can’t hold
1:09:29 ..calling to order a pair of sunglasses that will make me real fucked up
1:10:47 ..calling again but bleeping out the cursing
1:11:48 ..David Snozwell calls back in for a monacle
1:15:39 Renting out church spaces for a bachelor party
1:17:16 ..Baz calls back from the machine organization for an explanation
1:29:56 The guys need the hotel toilet fixed
1:37:04 Calling the pharmacy for the good shit
1:38:15 ..Anthony won’t be talked to like that
1:39:25 Tracking down Tim Searcy, asling about a pacemaker
1:51:45 Checking for mavros at the Greek restaurant
1:53:05 ..calling back checking for malaka
1:54:11 ..we’re turks
1:54:11 Quick hangup for calling her sexy
1:55:13 ..one bahnchod!
1:57:04 How do I take a shit in the toilet in the mobile home

Caught in the Gym Shower – 4/17/14


showerCarlito is calling about tricycles, wet suits and hunting lodges for sale. Two fat Indians are not happy with the way Carlito is ordering food. A woman in Guam likes to curse and drink. John has responded with interest in a penis enlargement study – Ken and Turbo harass him at the gym while he is working out.

Show Notes:

0:06:17 Carlito!
0:11:50 I wanna take you away in my car
0:15:49 “It doesn’t matter, nothing upsets me”
0:16:59 Go back to your country
0:19:52 Don’t want to talk to any fucking woman
0:21:18 Connecting 2 Indians together fails
0:22:10 Two fat Indians doesn’t like Carlito’s ordering style
0:28:23 Excited about a tricycle for sale
0:32:54 ..calling the wife back about the tricycle
0:35:51 I’m not your honey baby
0:41:35 Hunting lodge for sale
0:43:50 ..connecting a guy selling duck and goose calls
0:45:40 ..connecting a guy advertising a turkey hunt
0:49:46 ..trying to connect Tommy
0:55:13 Gun classes, Milkman plays the guitar while Carlito makes weird noises
1:00:34 Wet suit for sale
1:02:34 Whistle Attack!
1:04:12 Calling on a group deer and turkey hunt
1:11:57 Sending Oliver at the front desk to room 205 to deliver a message
1:22:03 Shipping a military hovercraft from Guam to Los Angeles
1:25:28 ..Do you like to curse and drink?
1:28:39 John is interested in a penis enlargement study
1:29:43 ..calling back the gym
1:35:18 ..gym finally gets him on the phone
1:38:56 ..calling back after John hang up
1:38:56 ..John calls back upset
1:45:43 ..Ken calls John back about the false allegations
1:47:37 Time Warner complaint

The Blood Moon – 4/16/14

bloodmoonCarlito, Baz, Sloth, Tabachi and Zyklon place some zany restaurant orders. Special Time Agent Garcia is back trying to keep a guy from drinking some bad juice. Ron Newman fires a Starbucks employee for her attitude.

Show Notes:

0:06:00 Speaking nonsense to the wedding magazine office
0:09:38 Du ju have peenots?
0:10:52 ..calling back to find out what they have
0:17:41 Asking why someone didn’t make it to the Mardi Gras ball
0:24:14 Baz is trying to cash a personal check without his wife finding out
0:26:33 Carlito calls back to cash a payroll check, wants the bulletproof glass taken out temporarily
0:28:26 Anonymous info for the Masonic hall goes nowhere
0:30:10 Making an order to go right now, flirting with the waitress
0:34:44 Ordering weird items from the Chinese restaurant
0:36:10 ..Mr. Newman calls back with a serious complaint
0:38:52 Stem cells can do anything
0:43:56 Calling for the son of a bitch doctor
0:49:46 The computer does not go
0:51:21 …calling back for technical support
0:53:25 “I was like lahhhhhh”
0:54:31 ..Baz calls back and makes the girl uncomfortable
1:02:20 Zyklon calling tech support
1:08:25 Bahnchod doesn’t understand
1:09:26 Another bahnchod doesn’t understand
1:11:38 Another bahnchod understands and hangs up
1:13:14 Baz is collecting the order in his hand
1:16:20 Starbucks call goes nowhere
1:18:50 Another Starbucks call, this time firing someone
1:28:44 Chineese order goes nowhere
1:31:00 Calling the Elephant back
1:31:00 Someone calls back to take out order
1:36:13 …calling him back to straighten out the order
1:37:18 ..Carlito tries a third time
1:40:58 Special Time Agent Garcia calling from the future
1:43:25 ..Zyklon calls back
1:44:51 ..the Blood Moon!
1:47:25 Calling Charlie about the blood moon
1:50:24 Kelly is cheating on you mate
2:05:56 Making an order from a psychic
2:09:50 Canceling the previous order

Music featured on this episode

Bruce Springsteen – Thunder Road
Turnabout Jazz Soul – Godot – The Fragrance of Dark Coffee
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – Kava Kava Root
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Bergamont
,MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – White Willow Bark
MF Doom [Special Herbs 7-8] – Safed Musli
Puff Daddy And The Family – Do You Know
Lil Wayne – La La La
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Podina
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Lemon Grass
,Bronze Nazareth – 07 ODB Tribute
Gorillaz – On Melancholy Hill

 

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