Sharmuta – 10/10/2016
Laugh Track Matt and a slimmed down Evil Artie join Carlito for some Columbus Day prankings. Mrs. Muhammad gets upset at being called a sharmuta. Cross lets another job slip thru his fingers after insulting an auto body shop owner. Using Siri to apply online for a job online upsets the “Gay” Gourmet. Guests are Laugh Track Matt and Evil Artie.
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Carlito is calling from inside the Las Vegas casino machine. He has shit his pants and is looking for 24 hour businesses to do him a solid. Dwight gets his Mentos and Diet Coke on. We are reporting an ethics violation in the workplace which turns into an absurd assault in the break room. Ordering shenanigans related to an excercise “machine”, the “Fix Me Stick” & our old friends at Zappos. Guests are 
We are checking in on our friend at the Lowe’s Tool World. Jin and Carlito are involved with some sushi calls. There’s a sex party going on in a dorm room – we try to get the residence hall security guard to join in on the action. Dwight has us busting up Pearl Parties on Facebook Live. Chickens are loose again, this time in dorm rooms and Puerto Rican hotels.
It’s Pranksgiving again and we are raising money for another needy family. Jiad is out on the street with the COMC crew filming stores while we call them during the Black Friday mayhem. Carlito and Jin Stewart are reporting on unionization activity at a local Wal*Mart. Descendants of the Mayflower pilgrims are being sent back to their home country. Dwight gets into repeated heated arguments with a taxi driver that calls his medallion number out like its a gang sign. Checking in on the action in the Kmart men’s restroom. Feces in shoes and hats. Dirty Christmas cards at Spencer Gifts. Ordering pork bacon and heat eggs from Denny’s.
It’s Veterans Day and Carlito is calling looking for whatever he can get for free. We wave off all produce from being delivered to a restaurant due to a product recall. Carlito celebrates his former employer’s recent failure and buyout.
It’s Halloween AND Milkman’s birthday machine! How blessed are the appliances for sale? Carlito calls a news tip line and recites the entire plot of The Shining. We call several people with costumes, baby gates and dollies for sale. Steak and Shake orders. Carlito insults Jehovah’s Witnesses fro not giving out candy to trick or treaters.
A lady at Home Depot rats us out while calling our friend at Lowe’s. A different lady jumps at the chance to insult us after an inappropriate question regarding her clarinet. Carlito confronts a guy selling empty Dan Aykroyd Crystal Head Vodka skull bottles as expensive Halloween decorations. Some new Planet Fitness lunk alarm calls (including a hold fail).
Ordering a salad bar to go from Sizzler consisting of several large boxes of salad mix and several chopped onions. Also ordering the Chinese buffet to go. Carlito is trying to make a prank call about the Black Whopper but can’t get a Burger King to answer the phone. Local man wants us to drop six loads on his daughter. More Twitter complainers.
Looking to get the specs on some after-market horseshoes. We discuss the origin of the term “pair of pants”. Benedict Cumberbatch is researching a movie role, has the owner of a moving company meet him at a bar. Carlito is denied the secret of how McDonalds makes so many perfectly round eggs. We want to install a turkey in the middle of a table. A handful of very funny Twitter complainers.
Bayou man is looking for a room to rent – wants to take out the built in furniture for a discount. Dr. Cross, an animal expert for CNBC Radio, is producing a segment on aggressiveness in puppies who aren’t weaned properly. Black Adopting a black cat machine for a black pagan mass. Getting a sexual thrill from hunting deer. What do you mean by ‘Do what now’? A man gets upset when Carlito starts playing Counting.
Carlito is looking for some shutters for his fucking hole in the woods – can’t do the math to figure out the price. We send a guy to a Walmart parking lot to meet us for a job, he spends the next half hour looking for Carlito to beat his ass up for wasting his gas. Tying horses to the bumper of a Ford F100 by their legs and driving off. Carlito knows how to “have fun” during has calls.
Carlito wants to drive a rolling hospital bed around the house. Jin is distraught about seeing a red demon eyed man in Japan, reports it to the English-speaker at the museum. Carlito. Dirty Aaron checks in from the People Republic of China Machine. Waking up amd bothering wankers all over the world with Dwight, Morgan, Baz & Gen. Awesome.
Waking up are waking up Patel wankers. Jin wants to buy a carousel horse with a hole in it for his fist. We are calling Audi asking for the best way to steal one o ftheir cars. Later on they are seeking roadside assistance after experiencing a combined robbery/car jacking/assault/mouth-rape incident with a member of America’s favorite ethnic class! Artie’s whore’s car catches on fire.
