Hot Jazz In Your Mouth – 8/23/18
There’s a hurricane headed to Hawaii, so we are looking everywhere for plywood. Carlito is confusing Free Pickup at Walmart with trucks for sale. Using anatomical breast descriptions while ordering bras over the phone. Eating canned dog food when the human food runs out.
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It’s Tropical Smoothie night on Madhouse Radio as Carlito tries to flip the eggs with heat concept – by ordering smoothies with cold, in a waffle cone. The animal hospital receptionist doesn’t appreciate the insinuation that she is being replaced by a janitor. Insulting Puerto Rico while trying to book a vacation there. Bath Planet doesn’t support glory hole installations in their quotes. Captain Cross is looking to get hired to show a friend a good time on his boat machine.
Carlito thinks it’s good that you have a job answering the phone, even with your non-existant disability. The red Solo cup is smoking in the hotel room, not us. Brad Carter is on a mission to make a woman cry. Trying to use the gambler’s anonymous line to place random number guessing bets. CPAP cleaning services and another ride on top of the hotel elevator.
Carlito and Milkman somehow get on the subject of prostate exams tonight and they are concerned with the way in which a doctor cleans us up afterwards. 
Carlito is in the mood to threaten women with forced head shavings tonight. Calling a news tip line and describing the plot to the movie Boyz n the Hood. Ordering some eggs with heat LIKE ALWAYS. Calling some of them swap shops including diabetic supplies, reclaimed barn tin, a tractor and a refrigerator that some Satanic worshipers want to use to sacrifice a goat by drowning.
McDonalds has bumped Coke Zero off the menu in favor for another flavor of Sprite. In real life Carlito is obsessed with Coke Zero, so he calls to complain. Stuck in the elevator shaft again, getting extra panicky this time, and calling Vegas instead of Reno. Complaining to Vietnamese nail salons about a toe fungus
Join Carlito and the Milkman for our 13 year anniversary show featuring the return of weekly Thursday night shows and the MouthLine 405-396-6884 (leave us a voicemail). Technical issues get in the way but we feature a crazy drunk lady eating on the phone and confused about her room for rent, calls to Zappos and some crap for sale.
Carlito is all wound up from watching the news so he’s calling embassies looking to see who wants to get their asses kicked. East Germany doesn’t have any plans for Hitler’s birthday today. Hotels are not amused with our 420 celebrations in their rooms.
Homer says hi for the first time! Carlito insults a restaurant guy’s mother, then his mother gets on and turns the tables in a major way. Checking back in with the Kmarts and the manager recognizes Carlito. Several Swap Shop items for sale. Guests are Matt Hillcox, Zerx, Dwayne the Janitor & Brad Farter.
Join Carlito for some prank call machines including a Chinese guy selling 100 assorted condoms (were they too big for him?). Somehow he ends up getting invited to an orgy. We also call people after stealing their typewriter, bicycle, fishing poles and gas. More of them wacky incoming customer service calls. We remember KDK and Crazy Michelle. Guests are Dwight McFartinhand, Dr. Unk & Major Chaos (the artist formally known as Prankmasta).
A short show featuring the usual stupidity including calls to Girl Scout Troops complaining after confusing the marijuana strain “Girl Scout Cookie” with their legit Girl Scout cookies.
Winn Dixie is on the verge of bankruptcy, Cross is spreading fake news to the stores. Carlito is providing a very rude sign language translation over the phone. A landscaping company order draws the line at the term ‘Dirty Mexicans’. Naming random diseases.
Calling Indian-American companies looking for dirty people to sell soap to. Calling apartment complexes and businesses telling them to get the snow outta here. Cross is trying to buy weed from Lysol but the snow is in the way. More calls to dying Kmarts, including asking about glory holes and where Lysol is going to be selling drugs at from now on. Indian spiritual healers turn down Carlito’s requests for help with appendicitis and satanic possession.
The local Kmarts are closing! Cross is calling on behalf of the Glory Hole Foundation representing a “group of like minded men” looking to relocate as a result. Carlito is also flushing sheets down the toilet at the hotel again.
