Author Archive for carlito

Gas In My Ass – 7/5/2015

phone-assA guy get so upset at our antics tonight that he starts quoting scripture and “speaking in tongues”. Jin is putting the phone up his ass and testing the gas pumps. Carlito is ordering a cheeseburger with fries – hold the cheese and fries.

Car Private Parts – 7/2/2015

carballs

Carlito, Dwight & Jiad dial wrong numbers, look for jobs and ask auto an auto parts store for the parts cars use to procreate.

Goat Sexual Organs (Prank Call)

Carlito is playing organ music in the background as he wakes a lady up to ask how big her goat’s sexual organs are.

Tongue Drum – 6/28/2015

tounge-drumCarlito creates a big mess at TJ Maxx when he claims the Best Buy next door received a shipment of theirs.  An even bigger mess happens when we connect a Twitter complainer with the accused United Airlines baggage deliveryman.  Brad hooks us up with some Payless Shoe Source customers.  Carlito is confused about how Confederates reproduce.

 

 

Language! – 6/26/2015

dc-mentCarlito is wasting restaurant’s time with long food orders. Dwight gets another 7-11 clerk to make a Diet Coke/Mentos geyser. Llama is starting shit at the Huddle House. We call a very angry Vietnamese restaurant in Guam. Carlito leaves a hotel attendant “out of sorts” and offended. Carlito, Dwight, Brad & Neon all prank a Twitter complainer – turning a “standup comedian” into an asshole over “hop fees” in the process.

 

 

Lost Prank Call: Racist Indian

A prank call from a summer 2012 episode where an Indian man goes aggro racist on Americans, explaining that we are all on food stamps and do nothing but eat potato chips, drink Diet Pepsi (or Diet Coke), sit on the couch & watch football.  According to him foreigners are actually running the country.

Lost Prank Call: Michelle Off Air

A previously unedited call to M1chille which was not included in the original episode where Carlito first called her.  This call occurred after the end of the “Sexual Organs” episode.  And includes Michelle talking about how she used to think she was a whore, why Carlito is scaring her & more.

Shishu – 6/21/2015

phone-microwaveJin is looking to donate a TV, but only after he pees on it.  Carlito is looking to ‘borrow’ a vampire hunting kit from a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum.  Jin interrogates a Hugo Boss employee about the Nazi history of the company.  Asian retail store workers are confused into looking for someone named Shishu.  Carlito is almost able to convince a man to microwave his cordless phone.

 

What’s Your Fuckin’ Problem, Phone? – 6/18/2015

helpwanted-window

Carlito is joined by RoyBCP, Trainwreck, Dwight, Llama calling for jobs and things for sale out of the Sunday paper.  Carlito gets into a fight with Google Now.

Over Heat – 6/14/2015

gibsonThe guy at the TV news desk is a total dick to Carlito, loses in a swearing contest. Carlito and Milkman play Mel Gibson rants while on the phone with Starbucks. Looking for a photographer for a Satanic black wedding. Carlito comes ‘this’ close to booting a Twitter complainer off of his flight home. Looking to order some “hyeeeeugh”. Several Greek restaurants & stolen lava rocks. Miracle Whip as bed lub & Haole Howard.

 

 

 

Does It Get Your Pecker Hard? 6/12/2015

belt-machine

Carlito and Brent are looking for help grinding a garbage bag full of coffee beans at a grocery store. Dwight joins in as we are looking to buy an ambiguous car part. Brad and Carlito call to collect on the dirty pics they’ve been promised for securing a shoe order. A lady has prayed to God and decided to home school her kids, we call her to buy school books. We call and bother members of a curling club.

Raw Pork Steaks – 6/7/2015

pilot-showerPranking corporate ethics hotlines. Calling random people and playing civil defense warnings. Trying to convince a man to replace his car wheel with a triangle. Calling truck stops to check on the Sunday night glory hole action, Mistress Morgan follows up acting as a suspicious wife. Guests are: Dwight, Mistress Morghan, LLama, Baz, GreenB & Pearlman Oneal.

You’re Fruity – 5/30/2015

diet-coke-planePlanet Fitness workers are accused of mishandling a harassing phone call.  Remembering Zolar and KDK moments from the PCU days.  Carlito is going to kill a billy goat as soon as he buys it.  Bothering a woman who is claiming discrimination against United Airlines for their refusal to sell her an unopened can of Diet Coke on her flight.  Hawaii Howard gets into an argument with everyone over his room for rent.  Guests are Nashby, Baz, Dwight, Neon, Evil Artie, Mistress Morgan & Gordo.

I Have AIDS – 5/25/2015

amgry-indian

Jin Stewart joins Carlito and Milkman for some prank calls. We want boobs and craps at the Hustler casino. Lots of pissed off Indian restaurants. Jin is calling from the Food Network with a restaurant review. A man denies he touched his female employee inappropriately. Carlito gets called a “call center faggot”. The whole gang frustrates white trash motel guests.
Guests: Jin Stewart, Tedwwweb, Dwight, JagTV & Yo Bob (Drunk), Baz, Evil Artie

LA: Las Vegas, CA – 5/23/2015

mantan-moreland

Carlito and Dwight do a late night show.  Twitter complainers, hotels & Carlito stuck in the elevator again.

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